A Walk Amidst Clouds
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
मींमांसा
कुछ तो बात है
जो तू नहीं आज मेरे साथ है
पर क्यों आये याद फिर पीछे मुड़ना
इश्क़ है या कोई सियापा
पहचान ले,
इसके पहले की देर हो जाये।
जिस राह से तेरा कोई नाता नहीं अब
ना बाक़ी रहा कुछ
राख भी है बुझ चुकी,
बाक़ी सिर्फ़ बचे अस्थि पंजर।
मुड़ मुड़ के ना देख फिर उधर
मंज़र है पूरा बंजर
सुर्खियां मत ढूंढ उस ढेर में
जहां पर कोई चिंगारी ही बाक़ी न हो।
ना कर फ़रियाद कोई ऐसी
जो बर्बादी लाएं इस जहां में
इस चाह की लालसा ही बेमतलब है।
जो नहीं समझा तू तो पछतायेगा
बिछड़े हुए लम्हों से फिर कोई नहीं मिलता,
बढ़ चल आगे,
तमस से आगे ही ज़िन्दगी का आग़ाज़ है।
जो तू नहीं आज मेरे साथ है
पर क्यों आये याद फिर पीछे मुड़ना
इश्क़ है या कोई सियापा
पहचान ले,
इसके पहले की देर हो जाये।
जिस राह से तेरा कोई नाता नहीं अब
ना बाक़ी रहा कुछ
राख भी है बुझ चुकी,
बाक़ी सिर्फ़ बचे अस्थि पंजर।
मुड़ मुड़ के ना देख फिर उधर
मंज़र है पूरा बंजर
सुर्खियां मत ढूंढ उस ढेर में
जहां पर कोई चिंगारी ही बाक़ी न हो।
ना कर फ़रियाद कोई ऐसी
जो बर्बादी लाएं इस जहां में
इस चाह की लालसा ही बेमतलब है।
जो नहीं समझा तू तो पछतायेगा
बिछड़े हुए लम्हों से फिर कोई नहीं मिलता,
बढ़ चल आगे,
तमस से आगे ही ज़िन्दगी का आग़ाज़ है।
Friday, March 02, 2007
Two Rivers
############
One more day passes
I still stand on charred grass
Staring at the memories gutted down by midnight blaze
Once a beautiful walkway,
Now full of ashen artifacts.
There lies my bed,
Lying on which I used to picture you on the ceiling.
A few steps away is the mirror,
One look at it & you are there,
Right in front of me.
I pace a little more,
To a place where I pictured 'The Leaf'.
Remembrance of the silly talks all abound
Under the murky sky,
my eyes are rivers in rain
Where are you, love?
I am unable to live again.
Walking on the pieces of broken windows
Cutting my feet like a knife
Still nonchalant is my pained heart,
it isn't as bemused,
Shade just a little pale.
The Jackals howling on the moor at a distance,
Canvass of my heart is colorless like no other day.
Another night is almost about to begin,
The rain hasn't stopped though,
Still on rampage are two rivers,
One is in jungle,
The other flows through my eyes.
############
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I was going through some attic cleaning, in the sense I was looking for my writings scattered all over the places, at home, at office (both primary & secondary computers). And I found this, unfinished just by a little. So decided to complete.
### ### ###
Touch me here
Where my heart beats silently,
For I shall hush
When I walk out alone,
Into this surreal dark valley.
Sun shone in the other half of this world,
While I walked home.
I looked for the moon at its usual place,
But this time,
I was again all alone.
A friend had called
He left a message,
Calling me to the beer bar,
where we once met.
But today, I won't go there.
For your memories still linger with me,
No I won't drink, look for my lass
For I know,
she comes here no more.
She doesn't walk the path,
Along the lake these days.
She doesn't come my way,
From the windy cold eastern lane.
I shall now sleep,
Pray to her to walk into my dreams.
Touch my arms and hold them tender,
Lay me down slowly in the silvertone of the moon,
Immerse my existence in mystery of your galaxy.
### ### ###
### ### ###
Touch me here
Where my heart beats silently,
For I shall hush
When I walk out alone,
Into this surreal dark valley.
Sun shone in the other half of this world,
While I walked home.
I looked for the moon at its usual place,
But this time,
I was again all alone.
A friend had called
He left a message,
Calling me to the beer bar,
where we once met.
But today, I won't go there.
For your memories still linger with me,
No I won't drink, look for my lass
For I know,
she comes here no more.
She doesn't walk the path,
Along the lake these days.
She doesn't come my way,
From the windy cold eastern lane.
I shall now sleep,
Pray to her to walk into my dreams.
Touch my arms and hold them tender,
Lay me down slowly in the silvertone of the moon,
Immerse my existence in mystery of your galaxy.
### ### ###
Friday, November 10, 2006
Scarred By Love
I just wrote this one purely out of frustation. At one point of time, I was too naive to understand things the way they usually are. But today, I just can't see my own face in the mirror and believe how blind I was. I felt like a filler, to fill the gaps when there is no one around her (not P). Is that all I am worth for being a nice guy. I hate that bloody tag.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scarred by Love
I lay with stoned eyes
Staring at the burning roof of my car
Thinking how I was the only fool
Driving in the dark
Knowing the road ends just ahead.
Always knew I was being used
Was always a filler for gaps when no one was around.
How could I just walk that path
Let myself be a victim of that dark evil
I guess somewhere in my heart
I've finally given up on love
My faith now shattered into million pieces
Pricking my body with every flash of her in my mind
I'd be far better off being dead or alone.
Go away love
I don't need you anymore
I have other friends to amuse me
You ain't no fun nomore.
We are done,
finished
You need to understand that we can't go on
Be the couple we once thought we would be.
This journey ends here
Today,
Right now,
You are gonna go your way,
I am well on course of mine.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time,
The hardest thing was to believe in God.
For there lied misery,
Behind every single step of mine.
Beauty of a sunset in the sea holds me breathless
Still my besotted eyes wouldn't shed a tear
Droughts of yester years have dried those ponds
Devoid of the love once I swore
Lay I lifeless,
Staring at the ship run aground.
Kissing goodbye the sunset clouds,
They once were the soul of my poems.
Faraway in the horizon
Shimmering sunshine dipping into the water
Slowly darkening evening ending another day,
Restlessness coming to a halt,
Heartbeats giving way to a deadly calm.
Howling wind let loose in the wild,
Storm is surging again
Blinding Blue Lightening,
Blinking at a distance
Soon to arrive Rain,
Alas,
In the end.
The hardest thing was to believe in God.
For there lied misery,
Behind every single step of mine.
Beauty of a sunset in the sea holds me breathless
Still my besotted eyes wouldn't shed a tear
Droughts of yester years have dried those ponds
Devoid of the love once I swore
Lay I lifeless,
Staring at the ship run aground.
Kissing goodbye the sunset clouds,
They once were the soul of my poems.
Faraway in the horizon
Shimmering sunshine dipping into the water
Slowly darkening evening ending another day,
Restlessness coming to a halt,
Heartbeats giving way to a deadly calm.
Howling wind let loose in the wild,
Storm is surging again
Blinding Blue Lightening,
Blinking at a distance
Soon to arrive Rain,
Alas,
In the end.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Another Love
Another Girl,
Another Heartbreak.
Another Love,
She just moved away.
Another Autumn on windy streets.
Another Summer in killing heat.
Another Monsoon ending with drought.
Another Winter of snowy nights.
Another year just passes by
Another moment in hallucination of forsaken happiness
Another time, I gather me back
Another time, I am shattered again.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Postcard to Heaven
A long time ago, I had written a postcard to heaven. While looking for the perfect words to pen it, I found this sensual, dreamy poem and before I knew it, it was there on the postcard. Here are those memories :
Why I Love You Written By Stuart Doyle
Sometimes at night, when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you and then ask myself “why”,
“Why do I love you?”, I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch,
so many little things make me love you so much.
The way you support me, even my silly notions.
The way that you care and show such devotion,
the way that your kiss, fills me with desire,
and how you hold me with the warmth of a fire.
The way your eyes shine when you look at me,
lost with you forever is were I want to be.
The way that I feel when your by my side.
A sense of completion and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see, the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart.
How deep in my soul, you are a very important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is... my love for you is real.
Why I Love You Written By Stuart Doyle
Sometimes at night, when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you and then ask myself “why”,
“Why do I love you?”, I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch,
so many little things make me love you so much.
The way you support me, even my silly notions.
The way that you care and show such devotion,
the way that your kiss, fills me with desire,
and how you hold me with the warmth of a fire.
The way your eyes shine when you look at me,
lost with you forever is were I want to be.
The way that I feel when your by my side.
A sense of completion and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see, the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart.
How deep in my soul, you are a very important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is... my love for you is real.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Asylum
Living life in an asylum
Lying among sundries lying around
My used clothes stinking of odor
My cries of yesterdays
Still echoing in my mind and room
I see your face and calm down
Just for the moment though
Before another fit of rage drives me crazy
Knocking out my senses
Smacked blackened eyes staring blankly at the ceiling
As I embark on another round of self destruction.
Drinks aren’t helping here
Drugs ain't either going to subside my pain
Someone bloody talk to me please
My mind is going insane
My fountain of feelings is drying again
This rain further fueling the burgeoning fire
Pumping more poison in my already black and blue veins
I can feel it surge inside me
In this fit of madness
I try to escape from this prison
Dazed & stoned I walk out of it,
Now on the highway in an intoxicated state.
I stand there
In the middle of the road
Silently watching the white light approaching me from distance
I hear a screech and a loud thud
Finally, I am freed
Flying in the sky like a bird.
I smile again
I giggle
Like a child
In a valley of flower
There is my home near the lake
Where clouds brush my hairs
And streams run through my feet.
Finally I am home again,
In this private heaven,
Are you still going to stand outside, God?
Send a smile my way,
I might start loving you once again.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Dil E Nadaan
This is an almost final draft of something which I consider as one of my best writings in Hindi. I've never been so expressive.
Sooni sooni raaton mein
Khamosh in lamho mein
Kya soch raha hai mere dil
Kyon kisi ke sapne aaj bhi sanjo rakha hai.
Maan ja Ae Nadaan
Wo nahi raha ab wo
Mat ro yun chup chup kar
Na-kaabil hai wo in ashkon ke
Jo beh chale hai tere palko ke dhaare se.
Jaane de uska khyaal ab apne jehan se tu
Bhula de wo pal,
Khak kar de wo waade jo bemaane the sab
Kar ek nayi manzil mukaam apna
Raah par badh aage o raahi
Saathi badh gaye aage sabhi.
Wada kar nahi mudega kisi mod par wapas
Chala chal o mere chanchal man
Dagar ab aage hai sirf
Kar ujale apne syahi bhare apne dil mein
Dhoondh ek saathi naya jo saath kuch der aur de de.
Pata bhi na chalega tujhko
Beet jayenge ye pal yun hi kab
Chala chal ae nadaan dil ab.
Sooni sooni raaton mein
Khamosh in lamho mein
Kya soch raha hai mere dil
Kyon kisi ke sapne aaj bhi sanjo rakha hai.
Maan ja Ae Nadaan
Wo nahi raha ab wo
Mat ro yun chup chup kar
Na-kaabil hai wo in ashkon ke
Jo beh chale hai tere palko ke dhaare se.
Jaane de uska khyaal ab apne jehan se tu
Bhula de wo pal,
Khak kar de wo waade jo bemaane the sab
Kar ek nayi manzil mukaam apna
Raah par badh aage o raahi
Saathi badh gaye aage sabhi.
Wada kar nahi mudega kisi mod par wapas
Chala chal o mere chanchal man
Dagar ab aage hai sirf
Kar ujale apne syahi bhare apne dil mein
Dhoondh ek saathi naya jo saath kuch der aur de de.
Pata bhi na chalega tujhko
Beet jayenge ye pal yun hi kab
Chala chal ae nadaan dil ab.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
An Ode To Kolkata
Not so long ago, when I used to write in MSN Spaces, I had posted it there. It has been a long long time, since I have switched my home base & here I am now; on Blogger. But a recent trip filled me with things long due. So this is what is due from my side. Here is an edited version of something from my past...
December 22
There is a place in Kolkata which has seen me falling in love and loosing everything afterwards. NO, it didn't happen recently, as recently as yesterday or last month. It has been a long time I have left Kolkata and always longing to go back with something big on my mind. But that numbing feeling is subsiding these days. Why, do you really wanna know? My B'day is coming up and when I look back at last 3 years, I feel nothing but sad, terrifyingly sad...
... And now is coming 2005. And I am a little scared. For I hardly know what the next year holds for me. I don't want to plan my life and live accordingly. Let me take it as it comes. As for the city, which gave me my first dash of hope & opened a path of success (& etc etc), here are a few words...
An Ode To Kolkata
December 22
An Ode To Kolkata
There is a place in Kolkata which has seen me falling in love and loosing everything afterwards. NO, it didn't happen recently, as recently as yesterday or last month. It has been a long time I have left Kolkata and always longing to go back with something big on my mind. But that numbing feeling is subsiding these days. Why, do you really wanna know? My B'day is coming up and when I look back at last 3 years, I feel nothing but sad, terrifyingly sad...
... And now is coming 2005. And I am a little scared. For I hardly know what the next year holds for me. I don't want to plan my life and live accordingly. Let me take it as it comes. As for the city, which gave me my first dash of hope & opened a path of success (& etc etc), here are a few words...
An Ode To Kolkata
I await Kolkata
The day I come back to you
To embrace the mist of diesel,
To taste the sweat of labour.
I am coming home Kolkata
To a place I grew emotionally
To an adolescent from a child
I am on my way honey,
Now make me a Man.
The day I come back to you
To embrace the mist of diesel,
To taste the sweat of labour.
I am coming home Kolkata
To a place I grew emotionally
To an adolescent from a child
I am on my way honey,
Now make me a Man.
Complete my teaching
Of Joy and Sorrow;
Of Journeys & Halts;
Of Love & Hatred.
Fill me with feelings,
Of creating a wave;
Of embarking a change;
Of going beyond the bridge.
Of Joy and Sorrow;
Of Journeys & Halts;
Of Love & Hatred.
Fill me with feelings,
Of creating a wave;
Of embarking a change;
Of going beyond the bridge.
Wash my past,
Filled with filth.
Of loathed love.
Of a harboured guilt.
Filled with filth.
Of loathed love.
Of a harboured guilt.
Very soon, I'll be there.
Wanting to sleep pretty,
Dreaming of the days to come.
I have been away too long,
Scared now as hell.
I am coming home soon,
Wrap in your arms when I land...
Wanting to sleep pretty,
Dreaming of the days to come.
I have been away too long,
Scared now as hell.
I am coming home soon,
Wrap in your arms when I land...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Soulless
Once upon time, when I was pretty much soulless, I wrote this on a rainy afternoon. My eyes filled with tears, like many other days that year, I just wished...
September 09, 2005
Soulless
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Singing the hymn of the dawn,
Bidding goodbye;
Walking away from the rising sun,
Into a sulking corner of my heart;
Singing the hymn of the dawn,
Bidding goodbye;
Walking away from the rising sun,
Into a sulking corner of my heart;
Wishing the sunlight never enter the arena,
That is my heart
Preferring darkness over daylight,
This is my life.
Resting on the edge,
Half hanging out of the door;
Hugging the roots hanging from the maple tree,
Tugging it like my mother's cloths;
Staring at the blank ceiling
Sleeping with eyes wide open
Lying lifeless in a tears soaked shirt
Breathing the last bits of my soul out
Like it's all over.
Monday, August 07, 2006
MileStone
Another blast from Past. Some people might think; was that me or what sort of moron, but whatever it was, it is a part of my history. Once I complete this migration, i will start publishing some new stuff here. Till then, keep visiting my forest of thought.
September 04
Rise and Fall
Just thinking out of the blue, after another week in darkness, gloomy thoughts (in short depression), I again opened notepad on my comp and started stupid something . Just cant stop this talk in my head, of salvation, remembrance of the past, longing for forgiveness of dear ones I have hurt in past, seeking solace in solitude, just out of my wit's end. I sometimes felt like disappearing again into nothingness, this time the urgency of the cause was far too weak; nothing like the liminal I had peaked to last year. Somehow I was able to delay the fusion of the 2 worlds, organically similar but behaviourally as distant as Pluto & Mercury. The outcome of that one more tussle of thoughts was what is just below:
MILESTONE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A simple heart, A simple wish
A simple life, All that I dreamt
Never to seek a perfect world
See perfection in the imperfect
Pen my emotions
Never loose a word that ever flashed in my head.
Never to complain,
Never to crib,
Always walking ahead with the memoirs of yesterday.
Scared of looking behind,
Scared of getting lost in those misty lanes,
I close my eyes & go on,
Carrying inside a vision undefined & undescribed.
Somewhere down the road,
There is "The End" written on a board,
I can't see it from so far away.
But pushing for that last point,
I go past a milestone every minute,
Reminding me,
Another moment is history now.
Go and find my diary,
It is somewhere buried deep within the pile.
Every day & every second,
I am journaling it all there.
Living like a dead shell,
Creeping towards unknown,
Not counting days, minutes, seconds,
I close my eyes and go on.
Reaching there would take its own time,
So will grow the weight on my soul,
However, this is how it must be,
My treading road of loneliness,
Persuasion of self realization,
Seeking Salvation,
Burning Body and Soul,
To cross the last milestone,
To reach the goal unknown.
Always walking ahead with the memoirs of yesterday.
Scared of looking behind,
Scared of getting lost in those misty lanes,
I close my eyes & go on,
Carrying inside a vision undefined & undescribed.
Somewhere down the road,
There is "The End" written on a board,
I can't see it from so far away.
But pushing for that last point,
I go past a milestone every minute,
Reminding me,
Another moment is history now.
Go and find my diary,
It is somewhere buried deep within the pile.
Every day & every second,
I am journaling it all there.
Living like a dead shell,
Creeping towards unknown,
Not counting days, minutes, seconds,
I close my eyes and go on.
Reaching there would take its own time,
So will grow the weight on my soul,
However, this is how it must be,
My treading road of loneliness,
Persuasion of self realization,
Seeking Salvation,
Burning Body and Soul,
To cross the last milestone,
To reach the goal unknown.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Phoenix
First Published on 02 August, 2005 in my MSN Blogs (<- Now No More)
Phoenix
(The Free Spirit)
________________________________________
(The Free Spirit)
________________________________________
A feeling in my heart;
Sometimes
I just feel it
Kicking like an unborn kid inside
To take a giant leap,
Learn to fly in the sky.
Just like a bird;
I know.
I am born to spread
my wings of desire
Fly High My Way.
Touch the heights nobody travels to,
Leaving a trail of smoke behind.
Blind the rest with my metamorphosis,
Speed above the Machs
Quicker than even Lightening
"Phoenix"
Yes, That's what my name is.
Rising from the Ashes.
Wings Dripping with Fire,
Stop me If you can.
Because I know,
You can't.
Watch the incandescence
As I go higher and higher
To touch the lightening heights
To taste the rain at its source.
Live like this forever,
Wander forever
Yes; I will.
Until I am In the Throes of Death,
But till then, I Shall;
Because, I am the Free Spirit.
Yours Forever
A long long time ago, during my depression days, I had written something which I had posted on my MSN Space. While going through the space today, i just thought of bringing those beautiful verses here too. So here they are...
September 12, 2005
Yours Forever
September 12, 2005
Yours Forever
I know I have been heart-broken for months. I know I am leading a life straight into a holocaust, being a social misfit, a lunatic loner, a crazy co-worker & god know what I have forgotten to mention here. But I haven’t forgotten that fire that used to burn inside me. This is the reason I am alive today and living to see another when my dreams finally come true. I am not bothered about my career for I know I am doing better than the rest and sure to go places. No, I am not being over-confident. I have never been one. But one dream remains unfulfilled and I have no control over its realization. I know this is the reason I am at a war with gods. But I live to live this dream, to breathe it, to make it run through my veins and produce the essence of life to keep me going.
I know I am becoming more of a schizophrenic all the time. I know I am not treating myself well, but I will overcome. So come back my dream. Be my pillar of strength again. Be my inspiration. Be my heart, be my mind and passion. Be my life again.
Yours Forever
Last night
I saw stars & moons
After many many weeks in hiding
I again remember their shining bright in the sky.
I remember
The hope they give me
That I will find her someday
Somewhere she will be,
Waiting for me,
My Sweet Honey.
With a smile,
She will light up my world
With that glow,
She will give me strength to be warm and brave.
Filling me with love,
She will help me live the next second
Spark a love
Life will beat again in our heart.
I know
I will be there for her
Always and forever,
To love her,
To take her places.
Just be there girl
You know I am on my way
To come home to you
To make love to you again
To kiss your head,
And your toes,
Caress your sweet neck
Standing below the mistletoe
I swear
I will never leave you alone again.
I will love you
Till the end of my life,
And in the lives to come after too,
'Cause I know
You are my only one.
I promise girl,
To never back out on promises,
I will be there,
To always love you,
To be always by your side,
To be yours forever.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
The Start
Finally I choose a poem to begin a journey with. Henceforth, I shall be posting all my poetic & creative stuff here and leave my forest of thoughts for ramblings. Yes, time for making a distinction between something beautiful and something poisonous has come. So here we begin with something from Robert Frost.
The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because, it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I, I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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